Where are you?
I keep waiting and waiting but you never show up. I’m starting to believe you never will. I tell myself maybe I should look for you, maybe I’m the one who should come to you, but I don’t know how. And, to be honest, I’m scared. Of not finding you. Of finding someone else who’s not you, someone wrong. Of getting lost. Well, I am already lost, though, am I not? Maybe that’s why you never come. Because you can’t find me. Or maybe I just don’t deserve to be found. Maybe I’m destined to keep wandering forever, lost in the dark.
I miss you. Stupid, isn’t it? I miss someone I’ve never met, who probably doesn’t even exist. And yet I do miss you sometimes. I miss your arms wrapped around me. I miss your voice, your scent, you laugh, your smile, God, your smile. I miss the feeling of your body against mine, that sense of warmth and completeness. I miss looking at you with the dumbest smile because I love you too much and I can’t believe you love me, too. I miss being idiots together, teasing, dancing, laughing, playing like children. I miss you. All of you. The good and the bad. I miss us. I miss myself when I’m with you. I miss everything, every single thing I have never experienced.
And I look for you, you know? In other people’s eyes, voices, smiles, gestures…I look for you but you’re never there. There’s a tiny spark of you in some of them, a few are so similar to you it’s almost like seeing a ghost, but at the end of the day, they’re not you. So I keep looking. At the park, on the bus, on the streets, in my dreams, in a movie, in a novel, on a red carpet even, but I can’t see you.
Sometimes I see someone who reminds me of you so I pretend they are you, and for a while I’m happy. But then the magic fades, and I realise it was all just a sweet fantasy, and I feel empty again. Incomplete.
I don’t know if you’re out there, or if you exist, but please, if you do, come soon. I need you. The black hole inside me is getting bigger and bigger by the day and it’s sucking everything in. One day I may even disappear.
So please, come to me. I miss you. I need you.
Come to me, or help me find you.
I will give you all of me. Everything I have, and more.
Come to me.
-C